Sometimes it’s harder to learn to fail than it is to learn to succeed.

It’s two days before Christmas. I’m behind a computer, taking the TeXes ESL Certification Exam, in a cramped room with a dozen others. It’s been a goal for quiet some time. I’ve spent hours and days absorbing theories, policies, procedures, legalities, acronyms, and their meanings to pass. Throughout the exam, I tell myself, “You’ve got this!”

However, two hours into it, I’m encouraging myself to, “Just hold it (my bladder that is) until all questions have been gone through”. “Then I’ll take my one allotted break, come back, review and correct with a clear mind.” Skipping the ones I don’t know, and marking answers I’m unsure of, I finally reach the end. My hand goes up to request a bathroom break. No assistant enters the closed in room. I wonder, “Did I misread the dismissal procedures”. My bladder pain increases, as does my spastic clickage to retrieve the test room procedures. Suddenly, my mouse comes to a halt when the words, “Your test is over” scream across the screen. “What! How is it over, I’m not done yet?!”

Yes, I, the Watkins Elementary Technology Instructor had aborted my test, accidentally, with one wayward “click”.  I pleaded my case to the testing administration, but was assured nothing could be done (or undone rather).

I cried all the way home that day.

You see, that exam was my birthday present from my mother. Every year, beginning as a child, she bought me an outfit for my birthday (to keep the celebration separate from Christmas). This year I wanted to dress up my credentials (a luxury my personal budget could not afford).  Instead I received a robe of disappointment.

I felt like an inadequate learner (and instructor). Hmm, this must be how kids feel when they try so hard yet fail.

But failure is a part of learning (and growing) in knowledge and character. Mrs. Speicher reminded us of this at our last staff meeting. She also pointed to us and proclaimed, “Grit starts with you”. Ya! That’s right! What kind of positive character role models can we be if we fail at failing?

Therefore, I’ll be taking that exam again (after the required days have passed), but with an even greater dose of grit (and know how) behind me.

And, I’m sharing this nugget of learning with the kiddos. Because they need to know that sometimes it’s harder to learn to fail than it is to learn to succeed.

Denise Gay, Computer